Same Sex Domestic and/or Sexual Abuse

If you are in immediate danger call 999

Remember if you need support, advice, guidance and information for any reason big or small in the strictest of confidence then you can call outline or use our online form to send us a message and we will get answer any questions you have. All of our trained volunteers will be able to talk through your feelings in the strictest of confidence. Let us be here for you during this difficult time. Call us on Tues/Sun between 7:30pm-10pm or send us a message now.

Some people still believe domestic abuse only involves physical violence. That is simply not true. Domestic abuse can be psychological, sexual, financial, emotional OR physical. It is all about subjecting somebody to these forms of abuse in order to gain power and control over them. Survivors often say that the emotional and psychological abuse has affected them more than the physical abuse – bruises can heel relatively quickly but the affects of psychological and emotional abuse can last a lifetime.

Some people think that domestic abuse happens to a ‘certain type of person’. Wrong again. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone regardless of age, race, class, sexuality and gender. Furthermore abusers can be anyone too – partners, parents, children or other family members.

Some people think that domestic abuse is a heterosexual issue. Still wrong. The Sigma survey carried out in 2003 found that one in four individuals in male and female same sex relationships experience domestic abuse at some time – the same ratio of women in heterosexual relationships that experience domestic abuse. Whilst there are some differences between heterosexual and same sex domestic abuse in terms of the threats that may be used and the impact it may have a survivor’s privacy, same sex domestic abuse is equally as serious as heterosexual domestic abuse. It is not about sexuality and it is not ok in any type of relationship.

Some people think that domestic abuse is their fault. Wrong wrong wrong. Nobody is ever to blame for being abused. An abusive person always has a choice about how they will react and what they are going to do. An abusive person may try to make the survivor feel like it is their fault – ‘if only you hadn’t done this’ ‘if only you were more like that’ – but this is just emotional abuse to keep their control over the survivor and make them less likely to try and get help or break free. In most cases there is actually nothing a survivor can do or not do to stop the abuse from happening – an abuser can always find a reason. Nobody deserves to be abused, everyone deserves to feel safe in their own home.

Some people think that if the relationship has ended it is not domestic abuse. Sadly no. Unfortunately, once somebody leaves an abusive relationship the abuser may still try to continue to abuse them by harassing them or causing them problems. There are measures that can be put in place to help with these kinds of situations but just because someone is an ex it doesn’t mean it isn’t domestic abuse anymore – domestic abuse applies to ex-partner’s as well.

If you think that you are experiencing domestic abuse then support services can help. Support services can help you to find out your rights and provide practical as well as emotional support. Information is kept in the strictest confidence – you don’t even need to give your name. Knowing that you have support can help you feel less isolated and more able to look objectively at what is happening. You can also discuss safety planning which will help to keep you safer in this relationship. If you felt that you would prefer support from a domestic abuse service that specialise in working with the LGBT community then the Broken Rainbow offers such a help line service (link on this website). If you felt comfortable with a general domestic abuse service then there are outreach services which cover the whole of Surrey (see links and numbers below). Outreach services can provide telephone as well as one to one practical support for people who have experienced or currently involved in domestic abuse relationships – you do not need to have decided to leave the relationship to get support and understanding. They are also there for advice if you fear that someone you care about is experiencing a domestic abuse relationship – don’t keep the burden to yourself but get support – again no names need to be given.

Statistically domestic abuse will affect us all in our lifetime – either through personal experience or that of a family member or friend. It’s important to have an understanding of what domestic abuse is and the support that’s available should it be needed.

Other support organisations related specifically to abuse:

Broken Rainbow
Support for LGBT people experiencing domestic violence. Helpline - 0300 999 5428 Open Mon & Thurs 2pm-8pm & on Wed 10am-1pm staffed by LGBT people.
www.broken-rainbow.org.uk

East Surrey Domestic Abuse Outreach Service
Serving Reigate and Banstead, Mole Valley and Tandridge
01737 771350
www.esdas.org.uk

North Surrey Domestic Abuse Outreach Service
serving Epsom, Ewell, Elmbridge and Spelthorne
01932 260690

North West Surrey Domestic Abuse Outreach Service
Serving Woking, Runnymede and Surrey Heath
01483 776822

RASASC (Rape And Sexual Abuse Support Centre)
a voluntary UK charitable organisation providing a range of confidential and caring services to anyone (male or female) whose life has been affected by sexual abuse or rape, whether recently or in the past, in Surrey and beyond.
Tel. 01483 546400
www.rasasc-guildford.org

Relate
An independent charity providing counselling services to anyone who is dealing with a difficulty within their relationship. Offers services to anyone, regardless of age, gender, marital status, ethnic origin or sexuality.
01483  715285
www.relatewestsurrey.org.uk

Surrey Domestic Abuse Helpline
Are you being frightened, hurt or abused by a partner or family member 24 hour confidential service
01483 776822

South West Surrey Domestic Abuse Outreach Service
Serving the Waverley area
01483 577392 or 01932 260690

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